THE BEGINNERS GUIDE TO JET TEA

So before going back to the uk I have gone on a bit of a bender of drink so thus I meet a lady and entertained her and then fir I just got  stupid drunk and then on sat I won a bike in bingo and got drunk the bike is called “captain stag”  how fitting

And now all I have to do is get on the flight tomorrow and get back to the sunny UK

So I went out after work with Keith the new chef and got really drunk and was back to my usually  s&^%  insulting some kiwi ladies one was not bad looking and one was U L G Y and she had no allabay then on the way home not a KFC or MCDS in sight I walking down Manchester street I was licensing to my I pod and on the phone when I was chastened down the road by a pros shouting  do you want sex well yes I would not mind but not with a pros she was a big lady so she gave up the chase quickly

So I had my first weekend off in a long time I had to work fir morning till about 12 went Keith was mean to be coming in but no sine so I said to was I sit at the bar and wait till he rolls in I case it get’s busy so I 4t what the hell I order a beer he turned up to 1 I just kept drinking till 5 then move on to base till about 12 but I did not get that drunk

Sat came it was time for gooyo so I read the rule’s and set out when to base and meet  Daniel not for first time he lives in base backpackers who a really nice Irish man and Cathay  a little Irish sweet heart got drinking  and I spotted a lady on her only a fellow gooyo maybe it was she came joined us turn out not for long here mate was turn up soon anyway after a bit her mate turn up I think I was doing pretty good then Keith turn up and was like I a semi pro snow boarder so I let he do his thing end up at good bye blue Monday me really drunk and looking for Jayme Everest she was not there but I made some trouble and left on my only leaving Keith and the lady to it did not even say bye hit kfc then home

Sun just a sun session it did start with a coffee with MR Andy Williams and after that meet Daniel and Cathay and scot to really start the sun session

Tues. can the day of the pixies gig it promise to be one of the best night me and was had out in a long time Keith was meant to start at 3 I  was going home and then shower then start drink but it was not like this 4 came 5 came a rang waz was like I not want to miss so being the good mate he is he came in and let me go but on my walk I was like thy start at 9 we stop serving  at 9 we can do this so I went home had a shower  went to waz and meet mark one of waz flat mates and hatch a plan I would get drink at work with was till 8.45 hope fully all the food would be sent and then jump in a cab so I sat in the kitchen drink with waz (was not drink) and then come 8.45 we send to the new comie chef you are the head chef have fun see you tomorrow top man he clean the hole kitchen we ran out of the pub and as if by magic a cab aped out of nowhere got in and said to Westpac and put your foot down and boy did he and we made it just in time and it was one of the best gig I seen I a long time

And the whole story with Keith not turn is another story all together

The other day I was drink at work with Michelle a mate a work I shout her a drinks because it was her birthday so then on wed she did a shift for me in the kitchen and after work we went to fat eddies to a burlesque night were boyfriend was and after a bit he square up to me asking had  I be trying to chat her up which for once was not the case me with my bottle in hand waiting for a drunken punch to come my way it did not in the end he saw reason and said sorry anyway the bar maid was really nice and it turn out that I know her brother so watch this place anyway Michelle and her little man left with her I carry on drinking then we went to a bar got in a lock in got so drunk I cannot remember if I pissed of any one or the bar maid hope not so I end up walking to mc ds I so drunk I could not read the order bored got home rang the polish but I cannot remember what is spoke about.

The next morning I had to go to work on my day of because I had to interview someone with waz for a chef position anyway that done we got a call from Mick “my exitif chef”  tell us that he had a chef to cove us when we go to dunedon so that going to fun

So I not been up to much really just work work work no crazy shit at all.  so the head chef has left and was and I have been put in joint charge of the kitchen so I am now head chef of the bog and the owner max what’s me and was to go to Dunedin to fix his bar down there sound like fun

I am going out tonight with Mr. d and gorge I have not done not been up to anything crazy in a long time so tonight is the night

It was not that crazy but have learned that kiwi love Pink Floyd and I do not share the same view ended at the bar on Avon shouting at Germans about the football and nearly got in a fight but I had gorge there to back me up

I have a piece of advice 4 any one reading this blog problem the best thing bit on advice ever on this blog If you are having sleepless night and you are all alone in a cold flat and no cuddly bud in sight do not turn on your PC and start listening to nick cave & the bad seeds in per tickly to murder ballads the kindness of strangers it really is one crazy man and will not help you fall in to a deep sleep well not me

Jayme keep text point less text i think she is nut’s witch just make’s her more sexy that fun. So did not meet with cinnamon on thru sham but she meet me after work on fir with her mate’s  it went well I think till I went to hug her when I was leaving and she yelp that a side I had to get up at 6.00am to watch the England game so I drag myself in to the bog to watch it because I do not have a TV in my house want a waste of time f&^*ING S%$* anyway start work after watching the game all good waz’er was back I can chill out now and on mon it was the quiz night my chance to say hello to cinnamon she was there and thing’s went ok I think I try to hard she left after the quiz had finshed so me and waz  got really drunk and meet a French man (fun) it was he’s birthday we shout him food and drink he was all by hem self my good deed for day done I staged home with waz. well tuse came and the head chef inform us that he is leaving now sham he has really started to work hard and better in the last week well tuse came it was the turn of the all Wight to strut their stuff waz want to stay out but he had no money after his holiday so like any good mate would do I shout hem a night well what a night we got so drunk but before the game started who walk throw the door cinnamon with the man that host the quiz on a mon night she did not ever come say hello a wave that was all o well

The fun thing happened before I left for town my landlord can round I was in the shower and had to jump out with towel round my west hair wet I open the door forgetting I had my pink sleeper on and in my room my Perl necklace less was on display and as was velvet gloves now I am think my landlord thinks I gay

 I have spent more time in the dentists over here I cannot understand why I come half why across the world and I have to spent my f&^*ing money in dentists. Tow ladies from the quiz on a Mon invited me to this party on sat I am working sun all day but I think I might go just to say hello and stack my clam on cinnamon she is a really cute lady and I should not say  it in this way. I have not had a drink for 7 days apart from tasting my cheese cake which had butter scot and baileys in it but tonight I am going out with Mr. d I think Mr. Andy coming it a thus night so sure it cannot get to crazy J

It was not I sat there drinking OJ all night then fir came finished work well early so I gave Mr. d a call he was at the pub so I went down and we went to merval witch is the hot spot for picking up the older ladies now we all know I am a little purshaly to the older lady but all it was beer and some really good food but no lady’s

Sat came work was s*&^ went to jazzman (I her name is Amy) it was her party 21^st and cinnamon was there and this is one I like so the party was ok I was there for about 10mins but anufh to make an impression but this little boy try to make me look small by saying bet you can cook chip’s all I look at him and said listen her you little fuck I am a trained chef not small strict of piss like you

On Mon cinnamon and jazzman were at the quiz and after work I start to talk to cinnamon and I now meeting her on thus not sure if it date or not we will see and maybe find out her name too

Tues. had a couple after work then end up at Mickey fin’s now this is where it turns’ bad the Irish boy’s 4t it would be funny to make me drink guineas it was not sick on the road and fill like shit all day

So the joy division thing was pretty average Andy left early so I went in pursuit of this new lady got to the gig at the honey pot she was there with her boy friend and I not going to get on a high house because I know that I am a f^%$ James but I can relies and no this but this lady was fritting with me the other week and not once did she said anything about her bf THE DRUMER IN THE BAND o wop d fucking do. I am really thing about turning A sexually is would stop me from doing the thing I am doing and making a dick out of myself away I went home early because I was not really in the mood to entrain. The band were not too bad fun. sun came and went with nothing to shout about apart from saying I was not going to drink for a mouth with lasted about 4 hour’s then after work 1 beer at les it was just one. then mon came and I thing I have a couple of lady that do the quiz on a mon that fancy me well at les one of them nose I thing I do not know there name’s thy told me that y are jazzmen and cinnamon 18 I think do not know if I want to go down that road again so after a couple after work on mon I went to see my good friend waz a say bye bye before he goes to ven-a-wer-to. He 4t it was a good idea to put vodka in my cider it was not cos at 4 in the morning went it was in my toilet basin and I was feeling like death, anyway at waz he’s mate were there and I had great pleaser in tell them all about my tiny dick thy 4t this was funny I do not one bit I was so drunk then I had to drag myself in to work I repeat for all mate’s sprit’s are a no no for the jettea so wed day off and what did I do f^&^ all just sit in bed o what a great life I am caving for myself in NZ